My, that was a provocative title, wasn’t it? It could have been moreso but then it would not have actually fit the post itself and that’s just no good.
Words of affirmation take me far. I already know that about me. I have this remarkable ability to take it in, digest it well and let the nutrients which lie therein sink into my pores just well enough to nourish the soul and then I have this other remarkable ability to inject poison into the same vein right after.
I wonder what that is…a feeble attempt at humility? A return to an old recorded message that tells me that there is no line between being confident and being egotistical? A misread verse which proclaims that I need to make sure I do not think too highly of myself? I dunno. I just realize here in the midst of my midlife crisis that external soul food only satisfies for a short time and then I’m left with the me I see every day in the mirror.
Remember that feeling of falling in love? Maybe you are fortunate enough to be there right now with someone. The fluttery feeling in the pit of your stomach. The lightheadedness that comes when they speak something rare and beautiful. The anticipation of seeing them somewhere. The agony of waiting for whatever is next. Remember that? I want that. I want that with me, though. I’m not sure I’ve ever fallen in love with me. I’m not sure that is sanctioned but I feel certain that there must be a place for it.
I believe that all things have this connectedness. What we feel in the body we feel in the spirit. What we experience in the spirit shows in our body. I just think this is true. This feeling of falling in love, perhaps science would tell us that it’s just a biological mechanism that gets us to procreate and not kill our partners straight after but since I believe in a benevolent and magnificent Creator God I must differ there.
I think this falling in love feeling has more to it and I think it fits not JUST with life partners but also with our selves and in turn with our magnificent Creator God. I just think that must be true.
I admit, there are holes in my theory. I’m not a scientist or a theologian or even as big a brained person as many of my friends but there are things I know without knowing…understand without understanding…and this is one of them.
I’m not sure where all of this leads but today I am left with the word, “discovery.” It’s a place to begin this process of falling in love and perhaps a good place to end this post today. Each time we discover something about another person or in this case, ourselves, something which pulls us in…which feeds us…which tethers us tenderly then we start the process of falling in love. So, that is the thought I’ll leave you with today. Take a moment to see what you can discover. I’ll do the same.