haters…

I don’t labor under the delusion that I have not made anyone angry in my lifetime or that I am in any way perfect. I often think of how I behaved even a month ago and shudder that I could say or do something so impossibly stupid or unfeeling. I guess, though I like to think that I haven’t really left a trail of haters in my wake. Maybe that IS delusional now that I type it here…it’s impossible to please everyone.

And yet I try.

It’s in me, this desire to not want conflict, this desire to keep people happy. It’s an old trait and it lives in a young place in my heart. It’s what drives me to try to clean up messes I make in relationships. It’s what makes me want to see resolution of conflict, in the right ways, the best ways. I often fail. I know this.

I got a rather surly comment on my ReverbNation email this week. It seems as though this person knows me personally. It seems as though I’ve hurt them in some way. Rather than feeling angry or defensive when I received the comment I felt perplexed. “Who hates me like this?” is what came to me first and then, “How do I make this right?” came on it’s heels.

I was tempted to engage the person. I wanted to know more. I wanted to find a way to make it right, not smooth it over but to be a person of honor and integrity and really get to the heart of the matter.

I thought through who in my past (or present) would be this angry with me…so angry that he or she didn’t feel safe enough to leave their real name or location…that they didn’t feel confident enough to ask me directly or if it is a past offense, to ask me in the moment.

And I was sad…because I chose to not engage. If the person wants to engage me honestly, directly and truly resolve some issue then I will listen, I will hear…but the back door, anonymous insult route…I have to be done with that sort of nonsense now. I’ve been on both sides of that on the internet and it’s a dead end. It’s not community. It’s heartless and cowardly.

So God bless the haters…because the haters need the blessing more than I do it seems. God bless the haters.

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