what if…

As I write this my boys are taking my suggestion of not using the computer or the video mind sucking device and playing with pots and pans on their heads, lids for shields and barbeque utensils for weapons. It’s very loud. I’m just sayin.

Even in all the din I’m thinking an awful lot about “what if” today.

I had a friend once tell me that “what if” questions are usually fear questions…I suppose only negative “what if” questions fit that and not, say, “what if I win the lottery?” or “what if money really did grow on trees?” Maybe those are rooted in fear too as I consider it…hm.

All in all I agree that negative “what ifs” are based in fear…sometimes reasonable, sometimes complete folly.

What I hate is how much my “what ifs” are related to my “if onlys.” Stupid “if onlys,” nothing but trouble.

Here’s my mental descent into hell:
What if we don’t get the house we’re angling to buy?

If only we had offered more at the start.

What if we never find another house like that one?

If only we hadn’t waited so long.

What if we DO get the house and it’s a horrible mistake!

If only we had this thought out better…had more time, had more money, had more energy…

gah. hello hell…you suck.

I think I have remedy. Maybe.

“what then…”

like it?

What if we don’t get this house we’re angling to buy…

What then?

Then I’ll be really disappointed.

And then?

Then we’ll look for another house.

I have a remedy for “if only” too…want to know what it is?
“and yet”

If only we had offered more money…

and yet…we offered what we had to spend, we made an offer in good faith.

If only we hadn’t waited so long…

and yet, the timing is what it needed to be.

“What ifs” speak to the future we don’t have yet. We just don’t get to worry about that and have positive return, really…we don’t.

“If onlys” speak to the past we did not have and again…we don’t get to rewrite that. We can learn from it, we can hope for the future but in the end…we can only walk the road that is under our feet.

what then?
we stumble
we grieve

and yet
we learn.
we celebrate
we stand up and keep walking.

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