I’ve been stuck here for a while now
on this “threshold”
this liminal space.
Each time I thought I was crossing into the next part of my life I’d find myself
at the ready
and yet not moving.
I am the soldier
saddled with gear
marching on the road
and waiting for conflict.
Maybe there is no conflict, maybe there is no battle to come. Maybe I am here by accident in this place, this liminal space. All it would take is to make a decision
I find myself saying things all the time like, “all I have to do is…” or “maybe I should just force this issue or that issue.” It is this odd illusion of control, this fakery of power.
To be honest I am realizing today that there is no action, there is no “do.” Perhaps there is only the feeling and breathing of that moment and being that moment, the here and now.
Sometimes to stand on the threshold is enough action.
To spin out and make myself the ball in the pinball machine is revealed to be a lie, a metaphysical sleight of hand
designed to keep me in the game
because the universe knows how easily distracted I am,
how short my attention span has become.