liminal…

I’ve been stuck here for a while now
on this “threshold”
this liminal space.
Each time I thought I was crossing into the next part of my life I’d find myself
suspended
shut down
at the ready
and yet not moving.

I am the soldier
saddled with gear
marching on the road
sun shining
and waiting for conflict.

Maybe there is no conflict, maybe there is no battle to come. Maybe I am here by accident in this place, this liminal space. All it would take is to make a decision
a choice

I find myself saying things all the time like, “all I have to do is…” or “maybe I should just force this issue or that issue.” It is this odd illusion of control, this fakery of power.

To be honest I am realizing today that there is no action, there is no “do.” Perhaps there is only the feeling and breathing of that moment and being that moment, the here and now.

Sometimes to stand on the threshold is enough action.

To spin out and make myself the ball in the pinball machine is revealed to be a lie, a metaphysical sleight of hand
designed to keep me in the game
because the universe knows how easily distracted I am,
how short my attention span has become.

crafty universe.

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2 thoughts on “liminal…

  1. This is a beautiful piece. Thanks for gathering all that you are feeling and giving words to this place.

    I know that I am not alone in how I am feeling. And I think that the pause button is actually a good thing. I have been missing my kids with all of the looking and hunting and offering…My heart is longing to settle again…to paint, to plant, to grow. But I we will also need to say goodbye and the pause will hopefully help me in the present…Help my kids make transitions. And the pause will help prepare mentally for the potential of a new space and the literal and figurative planting that will take place.

    Shalom as you continue to journey.

  2. This line “It is this odd illusion of control, this fakery of power.” really caught me because it’s so true, there is no control, you don’t make your destiny, the only thing you can control is the way you react to what’s around you.

    Lovely stuff.

    Cheers

    BC

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