It was about this time, several years ago that I wrote my first blog post here as Mrs Metaphor. I wrote about my love of an old hymn…about a verse in particular:
“Prone to wander
Lord I feel it
Prone to leave this
God I love”
I’m reminded today about the start of this cyber literary journey and my innate ability to wander…as it were.
As I grow older I am constantly struck by how much information I’ve crammed into the storage bins in my head but yet how little I feel I actually “know.” If you’ve had any lengthy conversation with me you’ll note that I say things like, “I read someplace….” or “I’ve heard that….” and frankly, I can adopt this oddly comforting voice alongside that bit of trivia which conveys a sense of confidence and therefore, I find, an air of believability. Sometimes I really DO know what I’m talking about, sometimes I’m just retrieving a metaphorical scrap of paper from the bottom of an old purse I don’t use much anymore.
Either way, as I age I think it’s a good sign that I’m recognizing how little I know. Most days I feel I don’t have a whole lot of “ology” going for me. The greek suffix “ology” means, most commonly, “a body of knowledge, a study of of a subject.” So if one has a degree in Physiology then they’ve studied the science of the physical body and it’s systems, yes?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve studied things, I have a degree…but my “ology” has greatly slacked off in the years.
As I consider it, I guess what I’ve studied most in the last say, 10 years is, well…me. I did want to study theology. I looked at a masters degree for a while, it was a Masters of Divinity/Masters of Social Work combination. I wanted to study God but also figure out how to apply that to helping make the lives around me better as well. I just couldn’t swing it, though. I couldn’t fathom taking on a masters program while I was trying to shepherd these little prophets who live in my house.
Today I think that in the last 10 years as much as I may have wanted to study God what I’ve done instead is study myself and how I respond to Him. I know myself fairly well now. (It’s only taken 43 years to get to this point. By the time I’m 80 I am SO going to rock this planet.)
I don’t know if I’ll ever get around to studying God…I feel comforted though, that I believe I know Him as I know myself. As I discover more things about how I am fearfully and wonderfully made I am discovering too, the voice and heart of the One who made me. As I discover my shortcomings and my failings, my moments when I’m “prone to wander and leave this God I love” I am discovering the great truth that God is steady and unchanging. I always know where He lives. I may not ever understand Him but I know Him. I know that He is, that He exists…as I know that I am, that I exist.
It seems like a strange place to take root but it’s what I’ve got and that’s about as much “ology” as I need right now.
“Take my heart Lord
take and seal it
seal it for thy