As you can see from my post yesterday, I’ve been reading Rumi lately. If you have never read Rumi then now’s the time, friend, now’s the time. Go back to the poem from yesterday and read through that. Read it aloud if you can. Let it sink into your skin and enter your bloodstream. It’s lovely.
One of the things that Rumi always stirs in me is longing. Just consider that word for a moment…longing. The longing I have today is stretched lengthwise from my neck to my hips. It is wide, reaching out into my ribcage and around my waist. It does not cut thin into my lungs but envelopes them, cradles them. I can feel this longing hold my heart closer in, the pounding making bass drum music in my chest. This is the pain and the beauty of it all. I’m strangely attracted to this feeling, maybe that’s universal, maybe I’m just weird.
There are, of course, some desires, some longings, that hurt us, keep us from the good. But the one I have today, this is a good longing. It is a longing for something deeper, it is a longing for God, a return to the mystery of faith, the mystic in the mirror…
This is a healthy longing, necessary. What is dangerous about longing for something deeper, I think, is mistaking the deep for “something more.” I don’t need “more” of most things. I’m not terribly material in my desires. I’m not dissatisfied with my family or my marriage. I don’t want “more” I just want what I have, only deeper, if that makes sense.
I am most tempted to say I need more patience but in reality I don’t think I need more…I need deeper patience. I need something below the surface of me that is rooted. If I can start to operate out of a secure, safe, real rooted place I know that the patience I require will rise to meet me. I can put any “more” need solidly in that paragraph and know that it’s equally true. I don’t need more faith, I need deeper faith. I don’t need more love, I need deeper love. I don’t need more intelligence, I need deeper intelligence.
I need that deep safe place and I’m pursuing that with all I am. That is my longing on this fine day…a deep safe place. I think that’s a holy desire.