I’m rambling today…hang on.
We’re not in Ordinary Time anymore. I spend so many days of my liturgical life there, in the ordinary, the quotidian. What is stunning to me as I consider this season is that I did not feel the shift happen. I did see the decorations for Christmas begin to appear when the consumer machine blew that whistle a couple of weeks ago. I did see my neighbors hanging lights, hoisting trees from their cars, lifting reindeer to their rooftops. I noticed this shift.
I did not notice a shift in me…from Ordinary Time to Advent. I am trying, I promise. I am reading and praying the season. There’s a app for that. I am looking through the many books I have about this season, reading and listening as I am putting a toe in that spiritual water. The water is cold this year. Even as I explore the process of becoming Orthodox I find I am having trouble connecting to the reality of the season.
I wish to be able to move, effortless, from the “daily” tasks of Ordinary Time to the “arrival” inherent in Advent. I wish it was as easy as adding decoration to my spiritual house. It just isn’t. I want to be steeped in the season on day One. I am impatient, I know this.
As with so many other things in my life, I feel I am always playing catch up. By the time I find my compass I am already past the fork in the road…already past the start time…already behind.
The constant question I carry only my shoulders rings in me, “is it enough?” Am I enough, doing my best, hanging in there, in the wait…oh…yes, waiting…and then here we are, full circle.
Out of nowhere, what comes to me is this:
love has so little logic
cannot be reasoned
cannot be controlled
as if it is enough
over the widest
If love is the reality of Advent then it makes sense that this is where the shift has to happen I suppose…each view I take of the commercialism, the words spoken, the songs sung has to be steeped in love, bathed in love, clothed in love…
and because of this…it is enough.