What a kind and loving heart you have. It is impossible for you to hide this now, it’s grown so large and so present in you. There was a time when you held your heart so close, locked behind an imposing iron door so that no one could see it. Your heart was so well protected no harm could come to it.
You worked hard on that door. You had forged it in the fire of self protection, the molten metal of your self glowed orange and red. It was the stuff of strength, the knowing that this heart is deserving of protection. You fashioned that heavy door for good reason, you needed that protection. Your heart was beaten up, under attack.
When the door slammed shut you celebrated. You felt safe for the first time in…forever, maybe. That feeling was delicious, it was exhilarating…for a little while.
And then, there was a day when you realized the steady thumping of your heart was growing fainter and fainter. It’s voice was wasting away in you. You could no longer ask it easily which way to turn. It needed air, it needed skin to skin contact with another human heart, it needed soft whispers of “i love you” and “i hear you.”
It was then that Courage came to talk with you. Remember? It convinced you that enough time had gone by, that the door needed to be opened. You were afraid, of course, you still could recall the blood from the wounds you had gotten, the pain of the injury, the rejection, the grief. You knew, though, that the heart cannot live apart from the body, apart from the soul, hidden away, buried deep.
When the door swung open, hinges moaning their protest, you had all kinds of second thoughts until you caught a glimpse of your heart, beating there, soft and true, trusting…ready.
And then you were vulnerable again. There was a moment of panic then a moment of joy then a moment of peace and serenity…and more panic…and joy…and peace…and serenity. With each moment the pulse grew stronger, more secure.
I cannot promise that your heart will not be broken again, friend. No one can promise that. The more you offer love, the more your heart grows and beats strong and loud in you, the more vulnerable your heart becomes. It’s a terrifying idea, this…that in order to be strong the heart must love and in order to love the heart must be open and in order to be open the heart must be willing to be hurt.
What a kind and loving heart you have. Thank you for keeping it safe to let it heal. Thank you for opening the iron door again and risking injury. Your heart means a great deal to me. It’s soft whisperings of “i love you” and “i hear you” help keep my own doors open. What a kind and loving heart you have.