blindspots

You know what sucks about blind spots? They’re blind spots.

I had a little revelation this week, a blind spot brought to my attention. I checked it out with a few people because that’s what I do. I was very careful to make sure I chose people who’d agree with me, people who would affirm just how insightful and self-aware I am.

Silly blind spot.

Clever blind spot.

What is interesting about discovering this blind spot is how desperate I feel to prove it a lie and knowing that if I can prove that it’s not my blind spot at all but rather someone else’s projection onto “good ol self-aware me” then well, that means I’m alright. If I can prove it a lie then I can go on with things the way I know them to be. I can go on operating from this relative place of safety, this enormous plank protruding from my eye notwithstanding.

The reality is that I am perhaps 15% as self-aware as I perceive myself to be and it’s the 15% that recognized the blind spot when it was pointed out to me. It was the 15% that knew the truth of it and harped on and on about it no matter how I tried to play it down. It was that 15% that called bullshit on the affirming, soothing voices I’d lined up so carefully to dispute said blind spot. Generally I can overrule that 15% but I’ve been tired lately, overwhelmed, maybe a little run down. The blind spot was waiting for a moment of weakness. Maybe the blind spot was quietly hoping to be discovered, quietly waiting to start calling out into that void of delusion knowing it only had a 15% chance of being heard.

Now that I know about this blind spot though, I really can’t deny it any more. I know I’ll have to be looking twice before changing lanes or turning left. As long as I’m in motion I’ll need to watch for this blind spot, I’ll need to be mindful of it, considerate of my fellow travelers. It’s a good catch. I project it may be painful to turn the mirrors so that I fill in the blind spot. I’m not sure I’ll like what I see in those mirrors but I hope in the long run it will save some side swipes, save some car crashes, save some lives including my own.

The funny thing about blind spots, though, the moment I identify one I know I can be sure another one will be creeping up just beyond the side view mirror. Clever blind spot.

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